May92012
Then hate me when thou wilt; if ever, now;
Now, while the world is bent my deeds to cross,
Join with the spite of fortune, make me bow,
And do not drop in for an after-loss:
Ah! do not, when my heart hath ‘scaped this sorrow,
Come in the rearward of a conquered woe;
Give not a windy night a rainy morrow,
To linger out a purposed overthrow.
If thou wilt leave me, do not leave me last,
When other petty griefs have done their spite,
But in the onset come: so shall I taste
At first the very worst of fortune’s might;
And other strains of woe, which now seem woe,
Compared with loss of thee, will not seem so.
Shakespeare, Sonnet 90
7PM
On her table
crab claws perch
in wooden bowls
and point to lands
where father
plied his trade.
She smokes and laughs
dismissing illness
like she doesn’t
live here.
Pouring wine
she relates
fears of walking
in the street
where men
devour her body.
Throwing back her head
revolving thoughts
about her
wasted youth.
Tribal masks
on blackened shelves
look down on me
confessing I’m a fool
to dream of days
with her desire.
Laughing, always laughing
she escorts me to the door;
her scent eludes my step.
Ruben’s form
reclines in angles
round my reason
as she softly inhales
wishful airs.
by John Francis
April182012
I have no self-control. Well, I have self-control when it comes to concealing myself in my house, not responding to advances, avoiding responsibilities, not worrying about what’s out there. I have self-control when it’s not wasting my time with people, when it’s reading for days on end. But I don’t have self-control when it comes to my health and healing my soul. I don’t want to spend time to read about my religion, to develop a relationship with who I believe makes me whole. Who I believe provides me with internal/eternal happiness. I can’t convince myself to physically improve myself. To just take a walk everyday.
I’m not ignorant. I know they’re connected.
It would be insanely hypocritical of me to not admit that. I have so many judgments, so many ideals and morals. So many opinions, but I can’t control my own life. I can’t control my own body, my own spirit, my own happiness.
I’m so tired of idly sitting by and letting “impulses” control me. I’m making the decision and I’m holding myself to it. It’s not difficult. It just takes growing up and realizing that the way I’m living isn’t working. That I have a lot of theologies, but no experience if I don’t live them out myself.
Okay, rant finished. Don’t read too much into this.
